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The reasons for leading a full life including relationships and sex begins by looking at why this separate reality exists in the timeless stream of creative awareness. The play of consciousness goes on at many levels and the spiritual path takes many forms. What is perceived as "best" or "highest" may not be right for everybody and may not be right for the same person all the time. It should change with time if you are evolving. At the end, Rama and many texts stated that a consort (real is preferable to deities is what Rama said at the Kalachakra Empowerment!) is needed for the completion stage practices. I concur. The whole thing is pretty tricky because you must see what is right for you and whether dealing with celibacy is an issue at all and if it is, then is celibacy right for you because you are working to raise energy levels and break out of energy or habitual thought patterns or are you struggling because it is not the right thing and the need to work on relationships or even to work on tantric practices is what you should be doing but you have attached to the dogma of celibacy. There is a period on the path where celibacy can aid as described in the question stated, and in other ways such as increasing awareness of the dual function of the sexual energy as a spiritual-evolutionary energy. My experience is that about 3-4 years of celibacy is all that is required to build up the energy to a level at which it can then be used to push through certain blocks that may arise in the subtle physical energy system and to help awareness to evolve past a certain point. Necessary guidance must be provided to use this energy buildup or the energy itself can then stagnate and produce the types of dilemma's you describe, and thence become harmful. If a monk lifestyle and celibacy is required, then hopefully this choice flows naturally and there is no desire borne pressure or you are working with the state of celibacy so actively that the mind is not interested in the other sex. The celibacy required of the monk lifestyle itself. Intuitive understanding of techniques such as "focusing on the tip of the sexual organ, meditating on deities, bringing up the energy by focusing on the higher chakras . . . " is required to apply these directly and this comes after a certain level of transformation via meditation. These practices must be used with care. They work with the sexual energy and are not as a solution to the pressures caused by celibacy but rather as a more interesting fun use of the sexual energy than normal sex. Rama said these practices are better with a real partner than visualized - what are they doing on the Kalachakra Tonka anyway?!!! A safer path is to use a lot of meditation, karma yoga, add less aversion and fears (of mixing) and a good teacher, and you should be able to cycle out of the need for celibacy in about 3-4 years. Look at the teachers you have experienced. How many are truly celibate? It is possible to maintain a balanced celibacy without a real partner, but I will stand by what my teacher said - real is preferable to visualized for the end stage practices. Remember most that we should not become too attached to any system of beliefs. Directly experience as much as your awareness allows. Be free and without fear and have faith that life will give you what you need, then accept what is given. Life meditates you.
I personally feel a number
of Rama students had serious problems because they were sexually frustrated and
not dealing with that. I think you have to be honest. Rama did not have us take
any vows of celibacy, and even pointedly said during one initiation as Buddhist
monks that the initation did NOT involve celibacy even though it traditionally
does and he himself seemed amazed he was doing it that way, but there it was,
Eternity was not requiring that of us.
I feel the only across
the board advice I heard Rama give on sex was "Don't get AIDS." It's
obviously not a great lifetime to have huge numbers of partners because of the
risk factors. Sometimes the way through something is to deal with it...get laid,
masturbate, don't try to repress yourself to the point of getting weird.
If you are wanting to
use that energy for meditation, one technique is to focus on the sex chakra, saying
"AH" several times, letting the energy became ecstatic. Then bring the
white light up the shushumna (energy channel in the spine area) to the 3rd eye.
Chant "AH" in the 3rd eye, using the energy brought up from the sex
center to 3rd eye to empower something you are visualizing that you wish to materialize
in your life...could be a new car, a new job, a new house, whatever is a current
goal for you. Embrace the visualization. This energy can be used for "creative"
purposes, not just "procreative."
Sexual energy is not
problematic per se. It's the relationships that get tricky. You have to treat
the other person impeccably and not be attached. And, for some of Rama's students,
a relationship was a tremendous yoga. For some, having dogs gave them companionship
so they didn't feel lonely. Whatever you are doing, you do have to have love in
your life. You have to be feeling love toward something. So, if you are being
celibate, it should not translate as closed-heart.
Rama himself had times
where he was celibate and times where he was dating. This is very individual and
is something that may change for each person during different phases of life.
It's important to keep
a celebration attitude toward life. Make your choices from that space, not from
"repression". Whenever you are doing something that excites you, kundalini
will flow. Daily meditation is for passionate people, not for people who are in
denial about themselves. If you know you are in a phase where relationships or
affairs are not for you, there should be some cool project you are working on
that absorbs you, something that jazzes you. It can be great to take a break from
sex and just have your own aura and clear that out...but
it should be a kind of "vacation" in its own right and not something
about "denial". Whatever your choices, keep the approach positive.
I don't know what sex
you are but as a woman, I had a maternal desire that was unfulfilled. Sometimes
this can be a motivation for sex because the hormones are saying, "I want
to have a baby". Volunteering at a day care and babysitting helped me because
I got to touch and play with little kids and then was glad that I could return
to the peace and quiet of my own home.
A nice massage might
be helpful, too. Or just find a nice monogamous partner who won't be an emotional
drain. Sex is not bad. Personally I think if you have a desire for it, I don't
think meditating or trying to transcend the energies will help unless you're very
advanced.
If you want to learn about how to handle your sexual energy, you should read the books by Mantak Chia. There you will learn about the "Microcosmic Orbit" meditation technique, and many other helpful hints. I highly recommend the books, "The Multi-Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know," "Healing Love Through the Tao: Cultivating Female Sexual Energy," and "Taoist Secrets of Love: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy." If you are into Chinese herbs, I would recommend taking "Microcosmic Orbit" made by Ron Teeguarden. This will help you not to deplete your sexual energy. You can order that through their website at www.DragonHerbs.com. Finally, your homework assignment is to go out and have a good time, and don’t take your life so seriously. It’s all just an illusion being played on the matrix of life. Enjoy
So, this is how I approach
it:
Did you see the movie,
a few years back, by the porn star Annie Sprinkle called "Sacred Sex"?
I regrettably haven't, but on my favorite radio station they featured a number
of interviews with her, and her concepts burned deep into my psyche.She believes
- and I am positive of the truth in it - that we can direct the energy of our
orgasms (and believe me - they are the same for me as going into samadhi! - well
what I go into in some meditations anyhow!) to some higher thought.
So, I often send the
energy of my orgasms (self achieved I should add - coz there ain't no-one else
in my bed :) to a cause that concerns me. Be it some world peace issue or a sick
friend, or someone I know who needs energy. So - there is meaning in the act itself.
A higher, noble act! And I seriously believe that it reaches them. It is my contribution
- as totally powerful as I can send it! I also, of course, get rid of that frustration
:) And I am left with a little residue to keep me happy as well.
I don't think there's
anything wrong, whatsoever, with sex. I think it's a key to higher states. I guess
I'm very Tantric in that regard.
You see I've never regarded
sex as purely physical - it is a much higher state to me - a spiritual experience.
Totally. Which is why I am OK not to be having sex with anyone - coz I don't have
that connection with anyone - nor do I seem to find anyone who fits that picture
for me. So alone I am. And also, I find that this approach keeps me satisfied
for a long time - months in fact - it is far more rewarding than pure sex. Please
try it! You may find that masturbation is an odd one - but I promise you that
I have had experiences of late with this mentality that rival the best!
You just have to let
your imagination run totally wild - fulfil whatever is your wildest fantasy -
no matter how ridiculous or taboo! Remember it is an act as divine as meditation
- as you have high minded ideals. SO DO NOT JUDGE IT!!!!!! JUST DO IT!!!!!! But
at the end remember to focus on that divine ideal - send the energy to that needy
person/situation etc. Then you will feel you have done your bit to help the world
:)
Oh by the way - if you are so lucky to nab that gorgeous lover into your clutches, you can do the same with them there - just direct the energy as you would if you were on your onesome!
There's nothing wrong with any form of sexuality, be it heterosexuality, homosexuality, group sex, casual (but safe!) sex, long-term relationships, masturbation, or celibacy. However, what seems really important is the state of mind you are in when sexually aroused. For whatever reason, any other energies you bring to your sexual life will be greatly magnified. So if you approach your sexual encounters angry at one sex or the other in general, or at your partner in particular, that will mirror back at you and cause a lot of pain to you. On the other hand, if you bring happy thoughts to sexuality that will be really empowering in your day-to-day life. If you find that relationships are causing a loss of direction for you, that probably means that those particular relationships aren't working for you, not necessarily that all relationships won't work. You're going to find that, even if you are physically celibate, you feel sexual energy, so make sure that whenever you feel horny or sexual, that your other thoughts and energies are clean and happy. If you do, you will make the right decision as to the appropriate way to manifest your feelings in the physical. Finally, the only exoteric teaching I recall Rama mentioning regarding sex: get tested for AIDS regularly and only sleep with partners who are also HIV-. If it turns out you are HIV+, it is better to know sooner rather than later--and you then know to have relationships with other HIV+ folks.
Many of those who practice
meditation on a daily basis are very particular
that their spouse do the same. Being able to help each other
achieve deeper meditation, as well as becoming a mirror for the other
to see themselves for behavioral change, in a calm, loving and compassionate
environment, are things highly sought after by those on a
spiritual path.
In Eastern society, and
even in old Western society, arranged marriages,
or at least formal introductions were, and still are the norm.
While not all of these marriages may evolve into highly romantic relationships,
they can still be highly satisfying marriages based on
common values and interests,
and especially the joy of children as marriage
transforms into family.
Some of the international
Sahaja Yoga seminars
provide an opportunity to be introduced to someone for
the purpose of marriage. Shri Mataji matches the couples on the
basis of background and inclinations, but most importantly, on the basis
of vibrations (subtle aspects). The low divorce rate for these marriages
shows the success of this method.
After being introduced,
the couples are given a couple of weeks or so to
determine whether they would like to go through with the marriage.
There is absolutely no pressure to go through with the marriage
if either person is not so inclined. In fact, the couples are discouraged
to go through with the marriage if there is any doubt whatsoever.
If things don't work out, then of course divorce is an option,
but it is something that rarely happens.
When both husband and
wife are committed to the experience of enlightenment,
marriage is a great source of joy and balance. It is also
an important part of life since it creates the basis for having strong
and loving families that are the foundation of our society.
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